Anyways, leaving was much like deciding to get out of the bath. You're so happy and relaxed, and clean and rejuvenated. And its time to get out. You don't want to, but its necessary. Because if you decide to wait it out and stay in, you get pruney and the water gets cold, and people start getting anxious for a turn in the bathroom.
So I got out.
I returned.
Not going to lie, I spent most of my 24 hours of traveling feeling pretty sorry for myself.
One evening that burned a mark of happiness on my heart was this New Years Eve. My brother, sister, and dear friend Mariah and I went went into a small mountain after hiking with my family and watched Clemson beat Oklahoma and advance to the National Championship. Afterwards, Mariah and I curled in the huge hammock on the porch of our mountain cabin. We were buried under blankets, and my brother came out to join in our conversation about God, our futures, and our places in this great world. I honestly cant remember a time in recent years that my heart burned with happiness like it did that night. As the night got colder, we piled on more blankets and the conversation grew deeper. It was a glimpse of heaven on earth, because for those few hours, time felt eternal. No obligations, no distractions. Just joined hearts trying to bring one another to see the unique parts of our father that we love.
I was also blessed with the opportunity to see many of my college friends. At one point I went to our one hometown bar with my two best childhood/college friends, and we laughed at the hilarity of trying to be adults and seeing everyone from our high school days awkwardly avoiding eye contact with acquaintances just trying to escape family holiday obligations.
I got to see the beautiful community of friends that take care of my family, and the love my mom has for entertaining those who know them best. I laughed because got to watch Star Wars next to my childhood crush, but its ok because he is going to be an amazing priest and I got over him long ago.
I got to see another childhood turned college friend become a beautiful bride, which gave me the chance to dance my heart out with people who can arguably make me seem normal. After that, my best friend and I got to have pillow talk and eat popcorn till late and all was right with the world.
But I had to get out of the bath.
Because those moments are just moments, and not for forever. In real life, staying home would get stale. I've been called on an adventure, so I must pack up my back and put my gifts to use.
It felt like leaving Rivendale on a trek to Mordor, but that is just me being dramatic.
After arriving, my sweet friend surprised me with picking me up from the train station with heaven baked chicken enchiladas in tow. That reminded me that my heart is well taken care of here, and it is straight up stupid for me to think that I am in this alone.
I started reading the Wind in the Willows, and wow. Where has that been my whole life? What a beautiful gift to be given to me at the right time. Just like all the best gifts right? Worth the wait.
There is a passage at the end of chapter 5 that perfectly related to my current emotional situation. Mole returns home after a long period away, and he takes some time to look around before nodding off to sleep. Enjoy.
The weary Mole also was glad to turn in without delay, and soon had his head on his pillow, in great joy and contentment. But ere he closed his eyes he let them wander round his old room, mellow in the glow of the firelight that played or rested on familiar and friendly things which had long been unconsciously a part of him, and now smilingly received him back, without rancour. He was now in just the frame of mind that the tactful Rat had quietly worked to bring about in him. He saw clearly how plain and simple— how narrow, even— it all was; but clearly, too, how much it all meant to him, and the special value of some such anchorage in one's existence. He did not at all want to abandon the new life and its splendid spaces, to turn his back on sun and air and all they offered him and creep home and stay there; the upper world was all too strong, it called to him still, even down there, and he knew he must return to the larger stage. But it was good to think he had this to come back to; this place which was all his own, these things which were so glad to see him again and could always be counted upon for the same simple welcome.
